Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I queefed so loud it echoed.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
