Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
