did you get engaged???
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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