know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
