Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
