Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
