it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
