Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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