Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
