Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
