Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
