I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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