He disabled his match.com account in front of me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
