I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
