i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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