it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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