Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Someone signed my nipple.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
