I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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