wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
