she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
