new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Drunk is a universal language darling
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