You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
