Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
