I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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