i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
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