That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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