I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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