no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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