I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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