I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
