I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You're my little dorito
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
