is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
