Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
