I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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