During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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