32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
