Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
