break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
