wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
