Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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