You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Randomize
