Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
