I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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