im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
