I could make wine with my vomit
honey bunches of taint.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
