I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
