Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
