Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She bit a glass in half.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
