pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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