Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
