I want to stick my p in your. b.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
