have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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