I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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