My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
