Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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