i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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