if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
