Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Can i not drive my cunt home
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
