and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
