I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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