The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
