I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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