Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I need to stop coming to work sober
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Even my vagina gasped.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
