I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
