I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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