I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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