NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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