Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
