so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
