was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
