I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Randomize
