Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
